7 Days´s interview: ESTHER BENZAQUEN (PART II)

A Woman of Patience and Perseverance

7Days: Immediately going "to the core", do you think there is a "sure road to recovery" from a psychological point of view ?
EB: Recovery from what ?

7Days: Let's take a broad view; and let's say recovery from Trauma.
EB: When somebody is suffering from trauma, first of all, he has to recognise that this is the case. He has to realise that he has a problem and that he has to seek help. Once he has done this, it is important that he has support. The "support system" is crucial here: in addition to having both medical and psychological support, he needs to feel that his family and friends understand him, love him and are willing to give him any help he might need.

It is important that there is communication not only with the professional bodies but also with his family, and friends.

People have to accept people "for who they are" a lack of acceptance can lead to all sorts of frustrations, and subsequently, neurotic behaviour for example. This does happen in Gibraltar, sometimes. It is because, sometimes people are not accepted for who they are; this can lead to the individual developing deep psychological problems "within society".

The family-unit need to work hard to accept people "for who they really are". When problems arise they should come to the people who can advise them. This does not usually happen, as people think they can deal with it on their own!!

I believe, that there are many depressed people in Gibraltar. Many unhappy people. This is reflected for example, in the enormous amounts of separations and divorces there are here. There is no doubt that the notion of the conventional family has changed dramatically.

Problems start to arise when both parents work, children are left either alone or with family members. The reason i raise this as a problem is that as a mother of a large family myself, there is no doubt that only parents can correct their children's wrong behaviour. If this behaviour is not corrected in their formative years, it can have grave consequences.

50 years ago, families coped with much less resources than they have now, but the family ties were very much stronger.

7Days: So then the question is posed within the family unit - why are we together, if we don't need each other, or at least not financially ?
EB: Well, I mentioned earlier that family life has changed in the last 50 years. 50 years is not such a long time - only 2 generations. So, if we assess 3 generations in today's society, the difference can be quite startling! Family members will find they have very little in common and can, sometimes, feel like strangers to each other.

Independence has a good side; it may also lead to problems. Everyone is much more secure financially; but then the family unit is almost none-existent in many cases. People just don't see each other (with their different jobs and responsibilities etc), so, there is no "time-that-is-shared". As soon as young people start working communication starts collapsing with everyone going their own separate-ways! their independence can either lead them either to the good and the positive or to the problematic and the negative. With independence from family comes selfishness and this is detrimental to the family unit.

People should learn to communicate and listen more ! I know that it is difficult in the world that we live in with all of us rushing. But it is not only a question of adults communicating.

As a therapist I have seen the lack of communication parents have with their children, in fact when this problem arises, it isn't because most of the parents do not or cannot communicate, they just do not know how to. The give-them-a-Playstation syndrome, is not enough ! The problem is DISCIPLINE. Some parents are incapable of controlling their children. I have seen 7 and 8 year old children being rude to their parents. We are now in a society where domestic violence is a serious problem, parents are now suffering violence in the hands of their out-of-control children. 50 years ago this sort of behaviour, at least in Gibraltar, was simply none-existent.

7Days: But then, many things have happened in society since then. Maybe, at the time, people just didn't know how to tackle these issues; or preferred to ignore them. Now with the influence of Psychiatry and Psychology we have useful tools to tackle these issues.
EB: You are right; but still there is a lot of resistance to Counselling. It is important that the Government realise that there are very serious problems in our society, specially within the youth; and it is important that counsellors help them overcome these problems.

Among other things counsellors help tackle family problems. People have a tendency to neglect theirs and and only face them….. when it's too late.

Some children have many problems at school and it is in these cases, that these issues should be dealt with appropriately. For example by referring them to an Educational Psychologist based in the school, rather than by placing them in a lower band and thinking that the problem is resolved.

We have battered kids here! We have abused kids ! This is happening in Gibraltar ! And these issues must be faced and tackled. Let us not forget that we are a very small community, and it is important that we keep the fabric of our society "as sane as possible". There is a drugs problem. There is a drink problem.

Many clients have told me that they cannot afford Counselling fees here, despite the fact that fees are half of what UK Counsellors charge. I have a pro-bono list for people who really cannot afford coming, and I see them as and when I have some free time.

7Days: One word that keeps recurring throughout this interview is COMMUNICATION. It is true that people talk a lot in Gibraltar, but that, at a deeper level, they do not know how to understand at a deep and sincere level. Do you think there is a "language problem" ? And how difficult is it to be a "free individual" in Gibraltar ?
EB: It is VERY difficult to be a free individual in Gibraltar - even if you're not harming anyone ! People are always "on their guard" and very careful with what they say or do! One must a very strong backbone, personality and character, to say or do what one feels here - people are so ready to criticise, without even trying to understand. But maybe, these are the ones that do not have the courage to be and stand up for themselves. This inevitably leads to frustrations and ultimately, as I said above, to neurotic behaviour. Gibraltar is a small community, so many of our youth are going away to Universities and Colleges to study. But what about who do not leave for whatever reason?

Gibraltarians travel a lot, to different parts of the world. CULTURE and STUDY are crucial so that we can move on and tackle the issues we have in hand. It is important to have as wide a spectrum of knowledge as possible, which may lead us to UNDERSTANDING and RESPECTING each other !

We MUST be serious about the issues involved !

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